Your Complete Guide to the Characters of Riverdale

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

If you follow me on Twitter (@madisoncarter12 - if you don't, jump over there!) you know that I just recently watched the first season of Riverdale on Netflix after seeing so many of you rave about it online. Today, I'm issuing my version of a character guide to the show - a humorous description of each character heavily coated in my personal opinions - so you can have a slight background to understand my tweets, a little taste to decide if you'd be interested in the show, or just a reason to disagree with my opinions in the comments below. Promise to try my best to avoid any major spoilers!!

Archie Andrews - Riverdale's golden boy. Star football player. Talented Shawn Mendes-like musician. Strangely colored red hair. Typical teenage boy. Archie is so perfect, he really can't do anything to make you dislike him.

Betty Cooper - Super relatable, literal girl next door. Betty is also a golden child and is forced to deal with bizarre parents and crazy classmates. She's very admirable and her detective skills are top-notch. So many things happening in this town are made possible by Betty.

Veronica Lodge - The new girl in town. So NYC it's like she stepped off the set of Gossip Girl and into the town of Riverdale. Good friend to Betty (most of the time) and fierce as fierce can be. Ronnie is a person you'd want to have on your side.

Jughead Jones - Okay, swoon. Although he's good friends with Archie, they're practically polar opposites. Jughead has had it rough, but he's such a cool guy. He plays a key role in solving the mysteries and getting things done around here.

Cheryl Blossom - Definitely insane and understandably so. She's so mean and extra but can't deny that some of her witty comebacks are impressive. Her wicked ways make her a character you love to hate. Sister to Jason Blossom.

Jason Blossom - Not sure what everyone saw in him, I find him a little strange - actually the whole Cheryl and Jason relationship is a lot strange. His fate is tragic and he deserved better although some of his choices are super questionable.

Kevin Keller - A little gem who doesn't get enough recognition. Son of the sheriff and good friend of both Betty and Veronica. He may not always play a big role, but he really comes through when it counts.

Alice Cooper - Betty's mom. Reporter for the local newspaper. Super strange and annoying. Such a mentally abusive, meddling mother. Sometimes she's almost likable but overall, I feel bad for Betty and her sister, Polly.

Polly Cooper - Betty's sister. This girl is caught up in some weird situations and I definitely sympathize, but I'm not sure how stable she is. Constantly making choices that clearly won't have positive outcomes.

Hal Cooper - Betty and Polly's father, Alice's husband. Also runs the local newspaper. Awful man.

Fred Andrews - Archie's father. He seems like a really cool guy. He runs a construction company that ends up in some trouble more than a few times. Involved in several ways with Veronica Lodge's mom, Hermione.

Hermione Lodge - Mysterious woman who returns to Riverdale following her husband's arrest. Easily the best mom on the show, but still pretty shady sometimes. Her house is amazing and her business skills are... something.

FP Jones - The deadbeat father of Jughead Jones. Unpleasant to be around. High ranking member of the local gang. Constantly being suspicious and having whispered conversations. I guess sometimes, on a rare occasion, he's not too terrible.

Sheriff Keller - Obviously town sheriff, but also Kevin's dad. Honestly, where is he when Betty and Jughead are doing all the police work and investigating this town so desperately requires??

Reggie Mantle - Irrelevant.

Geraldine Grundy - Ew. Music teacher at the high school. She's pretty sick. She may have reasons for some of her actions, but there are some things she just can't defend. Everything about her is weird.

Pop Tate - Runs the local diner. Aw, I just love Pop. I would go to the diner everyday because it has such an aesthetic and I can just tell the food is delicious.

Penelope Blossom - Mother to Cheryl and Jason. Strange, strange woman! Everything surrounding this family is so creepy and unusual. She's awful for no apparent reason and, along with the rest of her family, presents herself to the town as some powerful force.

Clifford Blossom - Father to Cheryl and Jason. Husband of Penelope. Inherited the popular town maple syrup business. Despicable.

Ethel Muggs - This poor girl! She's always going through the most. She's often barely involved with the day to day happenings, but then she's invited to big events with the main crew.

Josie McCoy - Lead singer for local band, Josie and the Pussycats. She's pretty mean but she's under a lot of pressure from her father who is successful in the music industry.

Valerie Brown - A member of Josie's band who takes time to help Archie with his music, leading to a brief fling, but Archie seems to have things going on with most of the girls in Riverdale.

Chuck Clayton - Provides no benefit. Extremely unpleasant and harmful to Betty, Ethel, and Veronica. He definitely gets away with too much, but he's the football coach's son so who's surprised?

Smithers - Butler for the Lodge family. Takes care of Veronica and Hermione. He's sweet and old, but I'm left wondering about the relationship and how he knew Hermione in the past.

Hotdog - Dog belonging to the Southside Serpents. I'm including this because I saw behind the scenes facts that the dog was part of the show only because Cole Sprouse asked for a dog.

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